My Big Fat Italian Break-Up by Nancy Barone

Author:Nancy Barone [Barone, Nancy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781803287669
Publisher: Head of Zeus

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‘Dammit, Erica, when you asked me to dress up like Madonna, I actually had something else in mind!’ Paul hissed as we descended from my Fiat 500L onto the dusty, deserted road just about one hundred meters from the turn-off to Tasting Tuscany. By now, I knew my way around blindfolded.

At this ungodly hour, when everyone else was having their siesta to stay out of the sweltering heat, we were the only ones around. Julian would have said ‘Only mad dogs and Englishmen,’ while I’d have said, ‘Only provoked kick-ass businesswomen determined to get their lives back.’ And determined I was, to give the security cameras – and the Cascianis – the show of their lives. Because so far, my marketing strategies had managed to only bring a few guests in. If I could have a full occupancy for the summer, it would have paid for part of the wedding. Not that it was anything fancy. Just a small ceremony with our closest and dearest, a priest, a few flowers and a great dinner. But after this little foray, I knew I had to get back to proper strategizing.

‘Oh, come on, Paulie. You always wanted to dress in drag. So what are you complaining about? Here’s your chance. Now put these on and listen to me. All you have to do is lope down the hill with your hands joined as if you were praying. Clear?’

Then, at home, all I’d have to do is add a dissolve effect on him as if he’d vanished into thin air.

Paul mumbled something that sounded like ‘blasphemous bitch’, but I was on a mission.

‘Are we clear?’ I insisted.

‘Yes!’ he hissed back, snatching the virginal clothes from me as I filmed him while he pulled them on. Which was, if you’ll pardon the pun, the whole crux of the matter.

I paused my camera. ‘Now say your lines,’ I urged, and he obediently delivered them in an authentic Tuscan accent.

‘And cut!’ I said, beaming. ‘You should be in pictures.’

‘Yeah. If I get into trouble, you’re paying bail,’ he muttered.

‘The original image is fuzzy and this will be a match. No one’s going to recognize you,’ I assured. ‘But the whole region is going to find out what scammers Tasting Tuscany are.’

‘Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’ Paul asked. ‘Why won’t you just let go of it – let bygones be bygones and all that kind of stuff and concentrate on your wedding instead?’

‘Because this is just as important to me.’

‘Well, that’s a mouthful. If I had a guy like Julian who wanted to marry me, I wouldn’t worry about anything else.’

I huffed. Why did my Paulie, my very BFF, not understand? ‘If I let go, the Cascianis, or anyone else around here, will think they can treat our family like that and just get away with it. This will teach them a lesson once and for all.’

‘I think you’re tempting fate. I hope you’re right and that it all doesn’t come back to you as bad karma.

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